When the Holidays Are Hard: Seasonal Coping Strategies
For many people, the holidays are described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for others, this season can feel heavy, lonely, overwhelming, or even painful. If the holidays bring up more stress than joy for you, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way.
The holidays often amplify existing stressors: grief, trauma, family dynamics, financial strain, mental health symptoms, or feelings of disconnection. Understanding why this time of year can be difficult and how to cope intentionally can help reduce emotional overload and support your well-being.
Why the Holidays Can Feel So Difficult
The holiday season tends to intensify emotions rather than create new ones. Some common contributors include:
Grief and loss: Empty chairs at the table can be deeply felt, even years later.
Family dynamics: Long-standing patterns, unresolved conflict, or boundary challenges often resurface.
Trauma reminders: Sights, sounds, smells, and traditions can trigger memories tied to past experiences.
Social pressure: Expectations to feel happy, grateful, or festive can create guilt or shame when that’s not your reality.
Burnout and overstimulation: Packed schedules, increased responsibilities, and limited downtime can overwhelm the nervous system.
Recognizing that these reactions are understandable and not personal failures can be an important first step.
Coping Strategy 1: Normalize Your Emotional Experience
Emotional validation is foundational. You are allowed to experience mixed emotions during the holidays.
Try reminding yourself:
“Two things can be true—I can appreciate parts of the season and still struggle.”
“My feelings make sense given my experiences.”
“I don’t need to force joy to be worthy of rest or care.”
Reducing judgment and self-criticism often decreases emotional intensity.
Coping Strategy 2: Set Boundaries That Protect Your Capacity
Boundaries are not punishments; they are tools for self-preservation. During the holidays, this may include:
Limiting time at gatherings
Saying no to certain traditions or events
Choosing not to engage in triggering conversations
Leaving early without over-explaining
Clinically, boundaries support nervous system regulation and reduce emotional depletion. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health, even if others don’t fully understand.
Coping Strategy 3: Regulate the Nervous System, Not Just the Thoughts
When stress is high, cognitive strategies alone may not be enough. Incorporating body-based regulation can be especially helpful.
Examples include:
Slow, intentional breathing
Gentle movement or stretching
Taking breaks from noisy or crowded environments
Grounding exercises using the five senses
These strategies help shift the body out of survival mode and create space for emotional processing.
Coping Strategy 4: Redefine What the Holidays Mean to You
It’s okay if your holidays don’t look like the ones in movies or social media posts. Meaning-making is a powerful therapeutic concept.
Consider:
Creating new traditions that feel safer or more aligned
Honoring loss in intentional ways
Allowing the season to be quieter or simpler
Focusing on connection with one or two trusted people rather than many
You get to decide what matters most this season.
Coping Strategy 5: Plan for Support—Before You’re Overwhelmed
From a prevention standpoint, identifying support early can reduce distress later.
This might include:
Scheduling therapy sessions around the holidays
Checking in with a trusted friend
Having an exit plan for difficult events
Writing down coping reminders you can reference when emotions spike
Support doesn’t mean you’re not coping, it means you’re coping wisely.
A Gentle Reminder
If the holidays are hard for you, you are not broken, ungrateful, or doing them “wrong.” You are responding to your history, your nervous system, and your current reality. Compassion for yourself and your experience can be one of the most meaningful gifts you give yourself this season. If the weight feels too heavy to carry alone, reaching out for professional support is a valid and courageous step.